Leading up, down and sideways ⬆️⬇️➡️
I often get asked: “How do you use BRAVE® on someone above you in the org chart?”
Let me show you…
In the middle of a recent session, someone asked about their boss. A particular kind of boss.
It went something like this:
“He comes into every meeting flustered. Always late. Always apologizing because his last call went over. Then it’s:
‘I haven’t eaten today,’
‘I was up until 2am working on that deck,’
‘I didn’t even get to say goodnight to my kids.’”
The leader paused. Then said the words that hit everyone in the room:
“It’s like he wants us to feel bad for him. But it’s exhausting.”
We’ve all seen that boss.
Maybe some of us have been that boss.
They’re not just chaotic.
They’re the martyr.
Overworked. Overwhelmed. And oddly… over-performing their pain.
The easy, common response?
Eye-roll. Tune out. What can you really do about your boss’s behavior?
But you’re not “common” and you know that’s not how real leaders operate.
Real leaders don’t wait for perfect conditions to lead.
They step up. Even when it’s inconvenient. Even when it’s upward.
Because once you know how to read someone’s internal noise, their behavior becomes a trail of clues.
Here’s what we uncovered in that lab:
When someone shows up as a martyr, they’re not trying to be manipulative.
They’re trying to be seen.
We used BRAVE®’s archetype decoding exercise from our Level 2 Certification program to walk through it…
And like so many people—bosses, partners, parents—beneath the chaos and stress, beneath the breathless “I’ve got so much on my plate,” is usually a quiet, unmet need:
“Please notice how much I’m giving.”
“Please appreciate me.”
“Please remind me I matter.”
“Please tell me I’m enough.”
BRAVE® helped that leader replace judgment with empathy—not the vague kind, the active kind.
Because BRAVE® is empathy in action.
And research shows that leaders who demonstrate empathy and emotional attunement increase team trust by up to 76%—and trust is the single biggest predictor of high performance, even more than talent or strategy.
- Harvard Business Review
So it’s not just about being nice.
It’s about being skilled at seeing beneath behavior—especially the frustrating kind.
It’s about being skilled in knowing how to get the best out of the people around you—when their best might be hard to see.
It’s about being skilled in creating a culture of high performance on purpose.
Gentle nudge… When are you planning to acquire those skills?
⸻
So the next time someone around you performs their stress like a badge of honor—pause. 🛑
And if you’re brave enough, ask yourself:
What might they need that they don’t know how to ask for?
Then give them that support.
Because culture will be shaped the chaos around you—unless YOU know how to respond to it. Unless you choose to see beneath it, and lead through it.
That’s what you’re here to do. Lead through it.
The result?
That session changed something.
That leader? He stopped being frustrated at his chaotic boss.
At their next meeting, he asked one brave question that shifted the relationship—and might just get him promoted.
He chose to listen, when it would’ve been easier to roll his eyes.
He chose to lead, even when no one expected him to.
That’s BRAVE®.
It works when managing up, down and sideways… because it was built for humans to connect with other humans, no matter where they sit in the org chart.
Onward,
Elisabeth
P.S. If you’re interested in a few of our most popular posts for leaders navigating the speed and stress that comes with scale, here are a few:
What BRAVE looks like in practice
Signals to pay attention to when scaling
The mindset shift that gets results
The cultural silence that's screaming
Or check out the whole list for yourself...