The #1 leadership skill for the conflict averse
Yesterday, I was delivering a BRAVE® workshop to an entire company.
When we got to the Q&A, the first person who raised their hand asked one of the most important questions:
THE QUESTION
“So from what I hear, BRAVE® helps you empower others instead of fixing them.
It helps you build trust instead of trying to be right.
It helps you see what’s really going on beneath the surface—people’s fears, blocks, and needs—vulnerabilities, and step into curiosity over judgment.
But what happens if you’re a people pleaser? Because I over-index on making sure others are ok, but it’s often at my own expense.”
Heck yes, I looooved this question.
Um hi, will all the empaths and quasi-conflict-averse, over-givers please stand up?! 🙋🏼♀️
So many truly amazing leaders—maybe you’re one of them?— sometimes default to using empathy as a survival mechanism, not a leadership skill… at first.
When we use our empathy to protect others—it is often at the cost of ourselves.
And it gets… exhausting.
When empathy goes unanchored, it turns into people-pleasing. Maybe you’ve heard of the “fawn” response to stress? It’s the less-talked-about little sister of the well-known “fight-flight-freeze” response.
When curiosity isn’t paired with boundaries, it turns into burnout. It’s actually one of the main (but hardly acknowledged) contributors to burnout. 🤯
So if you have ever feel like you lose your power trying to keep everyone else comfortable, 1) you’re in good company and 2) keep reading…
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THE ANSWER
I loved responding to this question because it’s such a testament to how The BRAVE Framework® can flex and truly serve every leader out there, not just one “type.”
At its core, BRAVE® was designed to be one framework you can use EVERYWHERE — with others and with yourself.
I walked the group through what it looks like to BRAVE® yourself. And may I just say, that as a new Mom, I’ve done this daily, hourly for the last year and a half… no kidding.
The best part about BRAVE is that it isn’t just a communication framework. It’s a mirror.🪞
Here’s how to let it help you see yourself and your patterns more clearly, so you can step into your most empowered leadership:
• Be Present → isn’t just about empowering others, it’s about noticing when your mind rushes to fix, please, or perform to “help” someone when it actually leads to overburdening yourself.
• Rapport → isn’t just about building trust with others, it’s about building trust with yourself and setting a boundary.
• Active Listening → isn’t just for being aware of what your team might not be saying with words—it’s for hearing your own inner dialogue when it turns into self-doubt.
• Vulnerability → isn’t about oversharing or even just sensing others vulnerability and pretending you’re “fine”—it’s about being honest about what you actually need, too.
• Empathy → isn’t only holding space for others without losing your center—it’s about learning to turn self judgement into curiosity and self compassion.
When BRAVE® is internalized, it turns into self-leadership.
Give it to yourself and you will have the opportunity offer your overflow to others.
It’s about filling your cup so you have more to give. ☕️
It’s putting on your own oxygen mask first, so that you stand a chance to be useful when it matters most.
That’s what I mean when I say:
BRAVE® isn’t just a communication framework—it’s a mirror.
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THE TAKEAWAY
Most high-performing leaders don’t need help caring more.
They need help caring differently.
Because empathy without boundaries isn’t leadership—it’s depletion.
And depletion doesn’t build culture.
It breaks it down slowly and burns everyone out in the process.
But through the power of BRAVE®, you can rebuild. One conversation at a time.
We explore exactly how to do it in our BRAVE Certification Program, specifically in Level 2: Lead BRAVE—the phase where leaders learn to decode their internal noise, recognize subconscious needs, and manage the emotional architecture beneath performance.
Level 1 is about learning the language of connection that fosters high performance
Level 2 is about learning the language of yourself, which (spoiler alert 🚨) becomes an absolute super power when we then apply it to others.
Learning to cut through the emotional stress of leadership and how to harness the forces at play when influence, impact and alignment is your job… especially in a remote/hybrid, AI paced world.
If any of this resonated, I’d love to hear about it!
To unlocking the power of BRAVE®ing yourself first, and taking the weight of the world (everyone else’s world) off your shoulders.
Over givers unite ☕️!
Elisabeth
