Living BRAVE IRL
“I don’t like grandpa.”
That’s what her toddler yelled.
I had just come out of a BRAVE session with our Inner Circle Alumni—our first group of BRAVE Certified leaders!—when my phone rang.
A dear friend of mine was calling in a bout of frustration and sadness about her son’s words. Her dad flew across the ocean to help and spend time with them, but her son wanted nothing to do with him. Frazzled and in need of community, she called me.
As always, my go-to is BRAVE®.
Yes, even with kiddos. Especially with them.
After listening for a bit. I asked her: “Have you asked him what’s making him feel this way? And what might make it better?”
That’s the essence of the first step of The BRAVE Framework®, Be Present—letting the person with the problem be the source of the answer, rather than trying to fix it for them. PS, that’s also what empowerment is.
A little while later she reported back. She asked and lo and behold, her three-year-old solved his own problem:
“I want him to play with me.”
That was it. He wanted grandpa to get down on the floor with Legos and silliness—something this sweet British-professor-activist-type grandpa wasn’t accustomed to.
The shift happened not because she had the answer, but because she was open to an answer she wasn’t expecting. That, she told me, was BRAVE.
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Why This Matters for Leaders
Without putting words in your mouth, I think we can all relate. Amiright?
It’s vulnerable not to have certainty, not to be the fixer. To stay with someone in the tension of their challenge and resist jumping in with our solution. But it’s an imperative skill, because:
• Quick fixes rarely work.
• Even when they do, they’re temporary.
• Real growth happens when people are supported to discover their own solve.
As Seth Godin says, we need to let people “thrash around”. Because that struggle builds resilience, confidence, and ownership.
This is the kind of vulnerability that defines exceptional leaders and teams. It’s the uncomfortable practice of being present in uncertainty and allowing your people to rise. And from what I can see, this type of vulnerability is rarely talked about in boardrooms or at offsites. Yet, it’s one of the foundational pieces of psychological safety — the keystone characteristic of high performing cultures.
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BRAVE® in Action
Although BRAVE® is an acronym (Be Present, Rapport, Active Listening, Vulnerability, Empathy), it’s also an adjective. It describes the experience of actually living this framework.
It feels uncomfortable at first. It feels risky and brave to do something new. But that’s the point—confidence is just bravery compounded over time. And increasing confidence is what the research that Simon (Sinek) and our team at The Optimism Company found to be middle managers greatest challenge and number one goal right now.
So next time someone brings you a challenge, help them build confidence (and build your own at the same time) by Being present, the first step of truly becoming BRAVE in conversation. Here’s how:
• Pause before fixing.
• Ask a simple, genuine question that helps them reflect on the issue.
• Support them in sharing openly.
• Stay open to whatever answer comes.
If you know me, you know I love soccer/futbol ⚽️ analogies, so think of it like PASS-ing the ball. Being a good teammate means passing the ball so the person in the best position can take a shot at goal. Anything else is selfish.
You’ll be astounded at the resilience and solutions people generate when you let them take their shot.
If a three year old can do it, so can your team.
Bravely,
Elisabeth
