Life in a weighted vest…
Over the holidays my fiancé and I saw more and more people out walking with weighted vests on. As a Crossfitter, I just assumed they were training for “Murph” in May, but apparently it’s a new, viral workout trend. Go figure.
You may laugh at me, but there was a small part of me that wondered…
“How’d they know?”
How’d they now that for months now, I’ve been joking that this season of life will be the chapter of my book titled “Life in a weight vest”…
Mainly because little miss Montana Rose still loves being carried around. I guess I offered “would you like Mama to hold you?” enough that now, she comes to me, all 26 lbs of her, looking up, arms outstretched with those sweet, huge eyes and says, “Momma hold you?” 🥹
Knowing that one day, she’ll stop asking, my response 99.999% of the time is: Yes, yes of course sweetheart.
So yes, I can confirm walking around with added weight is most definitely a work out.
Fun fact: when we’re on a walk and I’m NOT holding her, my Oura ring registers that I’m cycling (aka going faster than what I tag as walking). 😂 True story.
Anyway, the other reason for the title of this chapter is because, well… think about it:
Leadership is life in a weight vest.
Leaders are running the same marathon as everyone else.
Same goals. Same deadlines. Same initiatives.
But we carry additional, often invisible, load.
Sometimes it’s tasks.
But most often, the load is relational, emotional, mental.
And too often, we carry it silently.
We don’t talk about it.
In fact, it really only lives in our internal awareness.
It might sound like…
How did they interpret that comment or action? Do others share their perspective?
Did I handle that well? What else could I have done? Why didn’t that conversation go “as planned”?
Why aren’t they stepping up and taking more accountability? Why are they hesitating? Why do I have to check their work?
Is morale slipping? Am I contributing to that?
Could we be moving faster? How do I help them increase their capacity, think more critically, see around the corner, etc etc etc.
You get the idea…
What I’m trying to say is: If you’re doing leadership with any level of integrity, you’re holding more than just tasks.
You’re holding people’s experience of the work, the workplace, life…
That’s the weight vest.
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For years, I’ve helped leaders build the skills to shoulder that load without collapsing (or combusting) under it.
In fact, I’d actually say that the work we do helps them now stand taller because of the extra weight. It’s given them a sense of confidence that they can lead through uncertainty (which, hi, is the name of the game in the current economic, political, societal, relational state of the world).
So here are three quick tips for you to start the journey of building this skill, too. (Note: these only scratch the surface of BRAVE®, but they can change your daily load immediately):
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1) Notice when you jump in to “fix it” —
Yes, being a “fixer” is celebrated in our society. And. Take a week and watch how often you dive in and solve a problem that isn’t yours to solve (or doesn’t need to be yours). Become aware of how often you’re putting more weight on your shoulders.
I had a Chief People Officer for an NFL team tell me she literally had to sit on her hands in meetings as a physical reminder:
“Stop fixing. Stop rescuing. Stop taking the weight.”
I loved that physical cue.
Because fixing feels helpful.
But it trains everyone to hand you their vest and increase your load.
POST IT EXERCISE: Put a post on your desk or computer monitor and for one full week, keep track of the amount of problems you solve or jump in with advice for. Send me that number next Friday when you get this newsletter :)
2) Make a practice of reminding people how capable they are —
Next time someone comes to you with a problem, try saying the thing I bet you wish someone would say to you (or maybe that you have to say to yourself). Some version of:
“Yeah — that’s real, but you’re the kind of person who can handle this. What do you think the next step is?”
“You know this better than anyone.”
“You’ve handled harder than this.”
“Talk it out with me — I’m here, but I think you know what to do.”
This does two things at once:
1. It lowers stress (they feel seen and significant).
2. It activates agency (they feel capable, empowered, confident).
And yes — everyone’s ego loves to hear they’re competent and significant. Use that for good. Maybe you still help them brainstorm, but that simple reminder makes a huge difference neurologically.
SIMPLE RESPONDING PRACTICE: Rather than an answer, offer a vote of confidence first…
3) and then… Shut up (I mean this lovingly).
Hear me out.
Even if the beginning was easy, this part might feel harder.
The greatest thing you can give someone in a hard moment is not the solution.
It’s your presence.
When a human is witnessed by someone they trust, their brain accesses more resilience and cognition.
When they’re helped too quickly, many people don’t feel supported — they feel assessed.
Like: “Oh. You don’t think I can do this.”
Presence says: “I trust you.”
Fixing often says (accidentally): “I don’t.”
3 SECOND EXERCISE: Try a 3-second pause after you remind them that they know more than they think. Then ask: “What do you think the next move is?” And then SHUT UP.
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You can’t take the weight vest off entirely.
And arguably, you shouldn’t.
Someone needs to take responsibility for other humans, might as well be you. No one is better suited.
Plus, it’s a good workout.
But — you can stop adding weight you never agreed to carry. You CAN stop weighing yourself down and slowing yourself down.
Cheering you on,
Elisabeth
P.S. This is one way BRAVE helps conversations speed you up in this wacky world we’re living in.
